Category Archives: My Dad is Awesome

Don’t Read This If You’re Sensitive To Snowman Racial Issues

One year I made a snowman and then I filled a spray bottle with water and blue food coloring and sprayed the whole thing blue.  It was awesome.  A couple years later (tonight), this conversation happened:

Mom:  “We should make a snowman tomorrow!”

Me:  “Will you actually make one with me this time instead of saying you will but then letting me roll around your yard all by myself like that one time when all your neighbors probably thought I was either retarded or really lonely because I was like 25 and making a snowman ALL BY MYSELF?”

Mom:  “Oh!  Was that the time you sprayed it blue?  That was awesome.  Shoot, we should’ve gotten food coloring when we were at the store.”

Dad:  “We have Kool-Aid.”

Mom:  “That would work!”

Dad:  “Um, let’s see, we have black cherry–”

Me:  “Yeah, let’s make a black snowman.  Out of Kool-Aid.”

Mom:  “Oh lord, we’d offend someone.”

Dad:  “Y’know what though?  Why they always gotta be white?  I’m a little offended about that.”

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White People

My parents went to see Elton John and Billy Joel this weekend, and they were a little apprehensive about riding the Metro to the stadium, but they quickly realized that all they had to do was follow the crowd, because, well, everyone and their mama was taking the Metro to the Elton John concert too.  So, these ladies in front of them were studying a Metro map and trying to figure out how many stops until they got off.

Lady #1: “Is it five?  Five stops?  We’re getting off at the Waterfront?”

Lady #2: “Umm, yeah… I think… Yeah, the Waterfront.”

(Why I love my dad in 3, 2, 1…)

My Dad: “Just follow all the white people.”

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