1. Anti-Stab Vest
Item Description: “This Soft Anti-Stab Vest Protects the Vital Inner Body Parts from Stabs, Cuts, Slashes and Blows from Sharp, Edged, Spiked Weapons or Broken Bottles, and Hypodermic Needles as well as the Blurt Trauma (kicks, punches, being hit with bricks).”
Protects from the Blurt Trauma and looks good with a tie. How often do people get stabbed in the chest with hypodermic needles? And hit with bricks? You should move if you’re getting stabbed with hypodermic needles on a regular basis, unless you’re doing it to yourself, in which case, carry on, and I think you’re supposed to stab yourself in the arm, not the chest, so you should probably google how to do drugs properly.
2. Crystal Brooches for Every Occasion
Speaking of hypodermic needles, what could look more classy on your new wool peacoat than a Hypodermic Needle Brooch?
Or, if you’re a prostitute, show your pride in your profession:
Have you ever been stabbed in the head with an awl while wearing a blue helmet and thought, “Gee, I really wish I had a pin to commemorate this moment”? Now you do:
There’s a pin for everyone!
3. Decapitated Pants-less G.I. Joe.
Item description: “You could even glue his head back on and play with him! He is clean and quite flexible in the legs. As shown in photo, his head is not attached and his pants are gone.”
…Is this an item description or a personal ad?
Awesome toy. Way to go, probably-Asian toy company.
5. My Backup Halloween Costume
This is one of the creepiest things I’ve ever seen (until I came across the next thing).
Item description: “Brand New excellent value Funy Face Michael Jackson Mask for all adult. With the Mask you are only one in party.”
…Because everyone else went screaming out of the room.
So, what could possibly be creepier than a horrifying, balding, rubber caricature of Michael Jackson’s face wrapped around a teenage girl’s head?
Item desciption: “10 inch Funeral Grave Urn Vase Used As-Is No Reserve”
One funerary urn. Used. Uuuuuuused. “Item Condition: Item has dirt residue on the inside.” ITEM STILL HAS PEOPLE IN IT.