X Men: Origins: Wolverine: Hugh Jackman Does Dramaface

Me: (at the movie theater, shifting in my seat, sighing, rolling my eyes)

Q: “There’s not nearly enough killing in this movie.”

Me: “I know!”

Q: “That’s why I love you.”

So, Yesterday Q and I saw X Men: Origins: Wolverine: The Movie With A Multiple Part Title: Not As Good As You Think It’ll Be: We Should’ve Just Called It Wolverine: And Cut Out All The Dramatic Facial Expressions: I Hope That We Can Make It Up To You When We Make X Men: Origins: Magneto: But Really: If We Couldn’t Make Wolverine As Awesome As It Should Have Been: Don’t Expect Magneto To Be Better.

I’m not going to give you a movie review here. Yes I am, a little bit. It was good, but not as good as I thought it would be. I better make this one of those “Read the rest of this entry” posts, because if you haven’t seen it, I’m totally going to ruin it for you. Cut!

(There’s a poll at the end.  You like taking polls, don’t you?)

I thought there would be more fighting and less long dramatic pauses trying to flesh out a character history, that, in the end, just didn’t do it for me. There was more dramaface than storytelling. I didn’t really get why Wolverine and his bro Sabertooth (who’s still Victor in this movie and not as beasty-looking) were cool for awhile, but then they weren’t, I guess because Wolverine suddenly decides he doesn’t want to kill people anymore, so then Sabertooth runs around trying to kill him, but then when Deadpool tries to kill Wolverine, Sabertooth SAVES him, and is like, “Nobody kills you but me.” LAME.

They try to make you think Wolverine is going to kill Sabertooth at one point, for too long, except you KNOW he isn’t going to, because he’s in the other movies. Suspenseful scene fail.

Also, people really like to pop up out of NOWHERE in this movie. There were four or five scenes where somebody just conveniently dropped from the ceiling, or the sky, or crawled out of a building and I guess dragged herself over to the action, even though she was fatally wounded, just so that she’d be in the scene.

Also also, they tried to start the movie from when Wolverine and Sabertooth were children and then go all the way to the part where Professor Xavier shows up and takes everybody to the school. It was too much of a mouthful and I felt like it was missing a lot of pieces. Or maybe had too many pieces.

BUT Deadpool was badass, and I hope that the Deadpool movie kicks balls and doesn’t have so much dramaface. The end.

Oh wait! It’s Poll Time. Oh yeah.


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Filed under I'm Not Really Qualified to Write a Movie Review, Poll Dancing for Tips, This is Probably the Only Movie Review I'll Ever Do

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