L is my BFF. I talk about her a lot. You may have noticed. I suddenly feel that referring to her as “L” is insufficient. Because what if I meet somebody else whose name starts with L and then I want to talk about them behind their back and then I have to refer to them as L1 and L2?? It’s going to start sounding like I’m playing Battleship up in here. I’m inevitably going to get them mixed up and L1 is going to read it and get all offended and be like, “BAM! I sunk your submarine, bitch!” And nobody wants their submarine sunk. Is there a submarine in Battleship? I guess you can’t really sink a submarine since it’s already underwater. Man, I haven’t played that game in forever. Electronic Talking Battleship was the shit.
In one of my old blogs, I referred to L as The Smartest Girl In The World in order to protect her identity, and because apparently I was more creative back then and gave people nicknames instead of just lazily using the first letter of their name. Therefore, L will heretofore be known as TSGITW.
I was going to tell you about the Bst Gam Vr, but TSGITW is busy “working” right now, which is weird, since she’s at work. So she’s “too busy” to “respond” to my “childish emails” at the “moment”, and I’d like to see who wins before I start running my mouth about it. She didn’t actually say that, I’m just quoting what I hear in my head, because she’s too busy to even tell me she’s too busy.
My favorite bathroom smells like sandalwood incense today. It’s like peeing in a Moroccan Bazaar.
Someone in the lobby just asked, “When is Cinco de Mayo?” I’m going on a serious lack of sleep here. At least I’m not going on a serious lack of BRAIN. Oooooh, burn.
I can’t stop typing what I’m thinking. I just deleted a whole paragraph about things I like to put peanut butter on and how many cough drops I’ve eaten in the last week and a half.
Q just texted: “There’s food in the fridge. Help yourself.”
Me: “I WILL help myself. I’m going to rub my face all over your apartment and leave hair everywhere.”
Q: “You already leave hair everywhere.”
Me: “It’s gonna look like Jumanji up in that bitch by the time you get home.”
Q: “Somebody needs a nap. (It’s you.)”
Autospellcheck wants to change Jumanji to either Humanists or Rumania’s, which reminds me, I was totally going to say something about this magazine I have a subscription to that’s Humanism-based and basically has a lot of political and (anti)religious and politiantireligious articles, and I’m getting a little irritated with their style, but that critique requires thought and is not entertaining, or wearing sunglasses, and therefore completely beyond me right now. Also, I should find out what Rumania’s is. Update: It’s just an alternate spelling of Romania. That must be where Jumanji is.