Bundle of Cox, and How to Take Advantage of the People Who Love You

Am I the only one who thinks the Cox Cable commercials sound hilariously dirty? “I get everything I want with the Cox Bundle,” says a blond lady with a toothy grin. Yeah, I bet you do. I’d like to get a nice Bundle of Cox myself.

Oh man, I learned a new trick this weekend. I shouldn’t tell you this, because then I can’t do it to you, unless I wait long enough and you’ve forgotten that I’m a ruthless sandwich-stealer. It’s really a dirty trick, and its success is mostly dependent on how nice the victim is.  I’m such a jerk.

So, Q and I were hammered enough to get McDonald’s last Saturday, which I generally refuse to eat because it’s not really food.  Q got two cheeseburgers. This is important because if he had only gotten one cheeseburger, he would have already finished eating by the time I moved in for the kill, and then there would have been a mess on the floor for nothing, and he would have just thought I was a slob rather than a cunning, sexy fox.

So, I ate *most* of my McDonald’s breakfast sandwich, then dropped the rest on the floor.

“You made a mess,” I said, pointing at the pieces of bagel and sausage on the carpet.

I made a mess?” Q said, laughing, completely unaware that he was about to be victimized.

As he leaned over to pick up the remains of my breakfast bagel (this is where the niceness plays in – you have to prey on the ones who will hold doors for you and pick up things that you drop), I picked up his second cheeseburger and ate it as fast as I could.

I know, I was a little ashamed of myself too, but also kind of proud of the simplicity and smoothness of the whole event. Q wasn’t even mad, because he thinks I’m made of fairy dust. In fact, I think he was a little impressed.  But alcohol slows down his ninja reflexes.  If I tried that shit sober, I’d be typing with one hand right now.  Well, I do type with one hand, but you know what I mean.



Filed under I'm a Jerk

3 responses to “Bundle of Cox, and How to Take Advantage of the People Who Love You

  1. Mr. Andersson

    Now I’m kinda jealous here, are you sure he got ninja reflexes and not just luck?

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