Am I the only one who thinks the Cox Cable commercials sound hilariously dirty? “I get everything I want with the Cox Bundle,” says a blond lady with a toothy grin. Yeah, I bet you do. I’d like to get a nice Bundle of Cox myself.
Oh man, I learned a new trick this weekend. I shouldn’t tell you this, because then I can’t do it to you, unless I wait long enough and you’ve forgotten that I’m a ruthless sandwich-stealer. It’s really a dirty trick, and its success is mostly dependent on how nice the victim is. I’m such a jerk.
So, Q and I were hammered enough to get McDonald’s last Saturday, which I generally refuse to eat because it’s not really food. Q got two cheeseburgers. This is important because if he had only gotten one cheeseburger, he would have already finished eating by the time I moved in for the kill, and then there would have been a mess on the floor for nothing, and he would have just thought I was a slob rather than a cunning, sexy fox.
So, I ate *most* of my McDonald’s breakfast sandwich, then dropped the rest on the floor.
“You made a mess,” I said, pointing at the pieces of bagel and sausage on the carpet.
“I made a mess?” Q said, laughing, completely unaware that he was about to be victimized.
As he leaned over to pick up the remains of my breakfast bagel (this is where the niceness plays in – you have to prey on the ones who will hold doors for you and pick up things that you drop), I picked up his second cheeseburger and ate it as fast as I could.
I know, I was a little ashamed of myself too, but also kind of proud of the simplicity and smoothness of the whole event. Q wasn’t even mad, because he thinks I’m made of fairy dust. In fact, I think he was a little impressed. But alcohol slows down his ninja reflexes. If I tried that shit sober, I’d be typing with one hand right now. Well, I do type with one hand, but you know what I mean.